You've answered it 80 times. Each time you give the curated version because the real answer is too heavy. By the 80th time, the curated answer feels like a lie even when it isn't.
The question is well-meaning. Friends, family, former colleagues, they ask because they care. The pain isn't in the question. It's in the gap between what they want to hear and what's actually true.
Three honest patterns I've seen help:
Vary the answers by closeness.
Strangers and acquaintances get the curated version: "Things are moving, a few interviews coming up." Close people get one layer deeper: "It's harder than I expected. Some weeks are okay, others are not."
Have one or two people who get the unfiltered truth.
A spouse, a best friend, a coach, someone who can hear "this is brutal" without trying to fix it or panicking on your behalf. The labor of curating answers is exhausting; one safe channel makes it sustainable.
Pre-empt the question when you can.
Before someone asks, share what you actually want them to know: "Quick update. Week 8, three first-rounds active, two pending. I'm pacing myself, doing okay." That gives them the relevant info without you having to perform wellness on the spot.
Notice when the question becomes the trigger.
If a specific person's "how's it going?" reliably ruins your day, the relationship dynamic might need adjustment. It's okay to gently set boundaries with people who weaponize concern as judgment.
The performance of wellness is its own labor. You can let some of it go.
— Dr. Hosney Adel